The Accident

The Accident, originally uploaded by mavenimagery® Away-On a good cause....

The Accident
Processed by: mavenimagery Labs, Universal Studios, Californa.
Image and Text by : maven

Please read the hilarious true story. Names and some details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals

Location I-5 (Interstate), N.California.

“You OK in there?”
“What does it look like?”
“To me?”
“Yeah”.
“Cant’ say looks great from here, pal. It’s your lucky day, though.
“Yeah? How’s that?”
“See, there is a tree, like, ten feet at two o’clock and you’re at three o’clock. It’s a gnarly giant oak. The bushes broke your impact. Like sort of cushioned you…um, had you ran into, say, at two, we wouldn’t be talking right now…
Yeaa…
Yeah. What’s your name?
Andy. You?
“We’re not friending here. Just making sure you’re conscious. You’re the one buried in the bushes”
“Sorry, man”
“No Problem. What day is it?”
“Monday”
“What’s your favorite movie?”
“Fast And Furious”
“Isn’t that cute. Which one? There’s three”
“The first…the one with Paul Walker and—‘
“Yeah, yeah. Vin ‘Dumb” Diesel”
“Right”
“Right”
“So you’re OK, then”
Silence.
“Ya Okay?”
“Fine. Fine. How’s the car looking?”
I aim and take the shot. Click! Click!
“Not pretty. Looks great in the shot though…The license plate and the logo will be photo shopped so no worries about that part”
“Photo…what?”
“Will be clo…removed digitally.”
“You from the paper?”
“No. With the studio. Universal”
“Like in Hollywood and shit, man? Thought, you were from the news.”
“So you’re safe, then”.
“Yea, man. Appreciate it! Otherwise, my boss woulda fire me on the spot”
Silence.
“You there?”
“Yes”
“As I was sayin, man, that greedy SOB woulda fire me and—“
“Fire you?” I snapped. !” I couldn’t recognize my new voice. He should’ve f****kill you! I’da f**** kill you, you moron! Why’d do it?”
“Do what? What’re ya talk—‘
“Don’t get cute with me, Andy. I saw what happened! You moronically….stupidly, not to mention unnecessarily, tried to pass the car in front of you! Road demons like you take lives. Innocent lives. Road F****g Demons like, you, who call themselves great drivers after watching a stupid car-race-chase- flicks like Fast and Furious and pull stunts with a pizza delivery truck…almost cost me my life too. I had five (a fact) fatal and almost 30 well-not so fatal-accidents, totaling a brand new car every six-seven months which had caused all insurance companies in the State of California to refuse to insure me thinking I was some kind of stunt driver who’ve had come out every time with not even a nose-bleed from an on- purposely totaled 50K cars!”
“Got insurance now?”
“Shut up! What’d I say last?”
“Something about 50 grand totaled—‘
“Thanks, genius”. I said now in my normal voice. You a good driver, Andy? Course, you are. Like all men, you’re good at sex and driving, right? Know who’s the best driver, Andy? Not expecting an answer, I went on. The one who knows the horse-power under him and who knows, without panicking, how to handle a moment of crisis. In a moment like this who saves the day and lives along with his own. Not the one who grabs the steering wheel with two hands like a vice and knows and minds every traffic sign. Looks like you’re a lousy driver, Andy, trapped in that jammed stupid pizza truck—‘
It-It’s not a pizza truck…it’s, I hear a sob. I work for a K… Copy Center”
Omitted.
After fifteen minutes or so, a black SUV pulls over and a man about my height but skinnier, in his early thirties with a clean white T-Shirt, casual looking jeans and a cop’s haircut; wearing a black plastic framed skier sunglasses.
“How are we doing here?” He asks all formal.
“How it looks like we’re doing,” I said nonchalantly.” Me and Andy,”. I motion with my head toward the truck, “are having a little break in the woods. Chatting”.
“Are you part of the party, sir?”
“What party?” I ask in mocking but innocent tone.
“Is that your car over there?”
I turn my head and look through some curious onlookers I’ve failed to notice earlier to see my gleaming silver colored car on the other side of the three-lane highway, then back at him, our gaze locked.
“I think it is”.
“Did you cross all the way up here?” In an incredulous tone.
“Yah,” mimicking his tone.
“You have a wish of a suicide, sir?”
“Not that I’m aware of”
“Are you on medication?”
“Who is it you talking to?” Came the broken voice of Andy.
“Looks like help is here Andy. Could you tell Andy that you’re the Help?”.
“I’m not the help”.
“Who’re you?”
“Who’re you?”
“No, no. I asked first”.
“I’m off- duty. Officer brown, Elk Grove PD”.
“Sorry Andy. The help is not here. This is Off-Duty Officer Brown from Elk Grove PD”.
Off-Duty Officer Brown turns and takes quick strides to the black SUV, inserts his clean-cut head through the open door window and reaches out for what looks like a police radio.
“He’s calling it, Andy. Just relax okay?”
“You said you called it in”
“I didn’t say, but I called it in almost twenty minutes ago”.
“Oh, God,”. Implores Andy.
“Calm down, Andy. You’ll be fine. And sorry for what I said, you know, about, um, you being a pussy driver and stuff”.
“You didn’t say pussy-driver!”
“I didn’t? Oh, Good, then. We’re good, right Andy?”
Whatever.
“Any physical injuries?”
“Oh, now you ask!” Andy retorts.
“That’s not a healthy tone, Andy. I did ask if you were okay. And you said—“
“I still can’t believe you crossed all that traffic,” cut me off Officer Brown. “You know how dangerous that is?”
“I have a feeling you’ll tell me”
“It’s all about the picture, isn’t it?”
“No, no. It’s not all about the picture. I saw it happening. Stopped and ran over here, risking my life, as you’ve put it, to make sure that persons in the truck were okay. There was one person, Andy, the one still in there and after making sure he was OK, I took a few shots. Andy! I called. Didn’t I ask you if you were OK?
“I don’t remember! And yells back
When did you hear the Click sound of the camera? Before or after I talked to you?
I don’t remember! Andy yells again
Must be a concussion, I said as a matter of fact. Any idea when the help is coming?
I could feel Officer Brown’s prickly gaze behind the sunglasses.
“Computers,’ I said complaining. “Cell phones. The blessing and the curse of the twenty-first century. These gadgets should make things easier faster. And here we are, you Off- Duty Officer Brown and me Dr Maven Stark, standing helplessly next to a—‘
Are you a doctor? Officer brown’s brow raised above the rim of his sunglasses. Why didn’t you do something?”
“Whoa! Easy! Not that kind of doctor. I hold— a PhD in Photography and Fine Art
“What? Afraid of blood, doctor? But not afraid of crossing six lanes with average speed of 70miles per hour traffic?”
“See, you bring up that crossing thing again. You make it sound as if I’d just crossed the enemy line of fire in Iraq. OK. I think I’m done here. Good luck, Andy! Officer Brown is here to protect and serve. So if you—‘
“You said he is off-duty!”
“Yes. But he’s still off-duty officer of the law…with Elks Grove PD. I’m just a…Mr. Nobody.”
“Elk,” corrects me Officer Brown. “Single. Not plural,”
“So there was only one single elk in the whole grove which place’s named after? Andy!”
“What!?” snapped Andy.
“It’s Elk. Singular. Not Elks!”
“I don’t care if it’s Bison or Bisons Grove! Please, don’t leave me here!”
I look at Officer Brown, shaking my head. “I guess he’s lost fate in the system. Can you blame him? It’s been almost an hour now,”
“This situation is treated as non-emergency, doctor. You should know the procedure,”
“Procedure? Non-emergency? Says who? Who decides on what is non-emergency or emergency situation? Has anybody, anybody at all, including you, saw or talked to persons involved in the accident?”
“Single person! Andy not Andies!” yells Andy
“Andy, here, could have an internal bleeding. Not arguing. Done and gone,”
“You’re not going anywhere,” said Officer Brown anxiously.
“What’didja say?”
“I’m not going to let you cross that traffic again and be responsible for whatever may happen”.
“I’m over 18 years old. I’m grown up,” then, at that very moment, something happened in some regions of my brain that controlled sanity and rationale. “I want you TO LISTEN ALL EARS, OFFICER BROWN! I’VE LIVED IN 25 COUNTRIES; TRAINED IN MARSHAL ARTS AND BROKE THE JAW OF MY 9TH GRADE PE TEACHER; BEEN SHOT AT MORE THAN TEN TIMES AND I CAN SHOOT A SINGLE HAIRLINE OFF OF YOUR HEAD FROM 50 FEET! I’VE CHASED TERRORISTS WITH AK-47s BARE HAND! AND OTHER THOUSANDS MIND-BOGGLING INCIDENTS I DON’T CARE TO MENTION! I’VE HAD A VERY BAD DAY WITNESSED AN ACCIDENT BEEN STUCK HERE LISTENING TO YOU AND TO THAT WHINIG MAMAS BOY! AND now,” I lowered my voice; a son to his father . “You’re telling me I’m not capable of crossing the road. Is that it?”
Officer Brown takes a few steps back. “Sir, I need you to calm down—“
“I am ‘calmed down’!”
“Good. Now, we’ll just have to wait until an officer on duty comes and drive you safely to your car. I understand your frustration here. But the law prohibits pedestrians on the highway. You could be charged with jay-walking. Do-you-understand-what-I’m telling you, sir?”
Omitted.
A marked highway patrol car pulls behind the black SUV. Officer Brown walks to the uniform with aviator sunglasses. I could tell that he was particularly feeding him beans about me. Then Officer brown turns and, without a single glance at me, gets in his SUV and drives off.
The uniform walks up to me, “How’re you doing, sir?”
“Doing great. Never done better”
“Is that your car over there?” his eyes darted to the camera slung on my shoulder.
“Yep. That’s the one. It’s my car. Just love silver color. Silver makes the car look Noble. Expensive. Can you imagine an uglier car in the traffic than a red Box Toyota Corolla? I honestly can’t”.
“I wouldn’t know about that, sir”
“I know, I know. Just making small conversation to…you know, melt the ice and pass the time. We have nothing but time. Einstein disagree, though. No time in space and stuff. And now, they came up with the Superstring Theory. Everything in the universe, that includes human kinds, like you and me, and my six lanes across silver car over there. Them scientists are plain nuttos! “
“From my understanding you crossed the six lanes and came over. Is that correct, sir?”
“Crazy, huh? Correct. I did cross all those lanes”
“It’s all about the picture, isn’t it?’
“You got me. It’s all about the picture. Take it at all cost”
The uniform opens the back door of the petrol car.
Get in, sir”
“Sure. But what about Andy?”
“He’ll be fine”
How did they know that? Are they psychics or just simply they didn’t care as much as my crossing the six lanes. I’ll never know.
I got in.
“Please fasten your seatbelt”
“Sure, captain! Where’re going?”
“Driving you to your car. You know how dangerous is what you did?”
“Himm, is, like, very dangerous. Now I know what I did was extremely irresponsible”
He slams his foot on the gas pedal, and now we are swerving in the middle grassy land that separated the two-way traffic. “It can be that dangerous. There are drunk drivers…” Now, the car is zigzagging on the road. “Drivers on dope. ” . Slams the brakes to a complete halt, then floors the accelerator, making a U-turn back toward my car.
I unfasten my seatbelt. “Wow! How did you learn to drive like that? Let me guess. Fast And Furious? Need For Speed? Don’t tell me at the academy…”
“Nah, Just a hobby of mine”
“Awesome. Well, Andy is a huge fan of Fast And Furious”.
“Who’s Andy?”
“Thanks for the awesome ride, officer. Lesson well learned”
Who was Andy?